Saturday 21 Sep, 2019

Starting at 9am

Etc Venues

One Drummond Gate, Victoria, London SW1V 2QQ
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The MeasureCamp SwearJar+

All new, but mostly the same. With bigger fines, out of date jargon and a number of near pointless accessories – Ashley Lindley explains it all 

swear jar

The MeasureCamp SwearJar+

All new, but mostly the same. With bigger fines, out of date jargon that even your mum can understand, and a number of near pointless accessories including this post, U2s next failed album, and my bumbling through the explanation on the day for the third time. It can only be the MeasureCamp SwearJar+

How does the new MeasureCamp SwearJar+ work?

Same as it always has. There will be jars littered around the venue. Accompanying these will be lists of the swears. The fine for using any Duckspeak is £1. The pound goes in the jar. The money goes to an as yet to be decided charity (suggestions in the comments or on the MeasureCamp Analytics Community G+ page are welcome).  The SwearJar relies on attendees to watch attendees and call out any improper verbal conduct. The idea is to encourage people to explain themselves clearly without the crutch of jargon and, of course, have a little fun.

The List

Once again the MeasureCamp Google+ Community was called on for suggestions and, as usual, there’s been no shortage of great suggestions, carefully planned attacks and something new that is actually new.  On to the list:

“HITS” – Beloved phrase of politicians and reporters everywhere, it is not a web analytics term. From Peter O’Neill.

“Best Practice” – Partly because it’s used to end the discussion not continue it: “Well best practice is…” so that’s that. Partly because there is no “one, size fits all solution” but mostly because it will ensure at least £20 from Peter’s own pocket.

Richard Fergie was first to put forward “it depends” in reference to people not making a decision when asked for their thoughts/opinions/advice/solution. It’s been nominated again this year by Kelly McClean

“growth hacking [prefix]/hack/ing”.  Hacking used to be cool. Current use has strayed far afield and can no longer be tolerated. Thanks Amrdeep Athwal who also put forward “[prefix] is dead” (which I’m sure we all want to see die) and “paradigm shift”. If you cannot prove you have a PHD in science (A real science, Geography and Computers don’t count) you’re paying the fine.

This year’s slew of job title metaphors includes “ninja”, “renaissance man”, “evangelist”, “hacker” (see above) and “scientist” (proof of qualification required, real sciences only). Courtesy of Gerry White and Dave Davis. Mostly.

Final thanks for the following (sans rationale):

Andrew Morris for “deep dive” and

Amrdeep Singh for “synergy” and “disruptive”

Kelly McClean for “big data” (which might be funnier at the end of the day….you’ll need to be there at the end of the day to find out why), “algorithm”

Mark Edmondson for the acronyms, of which I’ll include the least likely to be used to avoid rioting: “SEO”, “SEM”, “PPC”

So that brings us to near as makes no difference twenty-ish terms or there and thereabouts, but what about that something new?

Introducing: Shooting The Moon

If you’re able to use every term in a single presentation you win a prize. A mystery prize. A magnificent prize. The stuff of lore. You will need to provide tangible proof you that you managed this feat, video evidence, as this prize will not be presented, or for that matter seen, without it. Thanks to Phil Pearce for the inspiration behind this.

In closing remember to bring some change, have fun and contribute to a yet to be determined charity (suggestions welcome).

 

 

 

 

 

 

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